Life in a "Metro"

I evoked my combative environmental concerns recently to curtail my carbon as well as ecological footprint(s) and began traveling by metro more often.

My mundane travel time to office is not so protracted. My daily travel itinerary incorporates the two most congested and cramped Metro Stations: Kashmere Gate and Rajiv Chowk.

Each morning, the sight of Kashmere Gate Metro Station (specially Yellow Line) appears like Kumbh Mela, everyone waiting there to get at least one adventitious and divine chance to dive inside the spiritual Holy Metro.

One morning, I was also at the same Kumbh Mela, waiting in the queue for my chance to dive inside the Hole Metro. A pair of boys along with a girl were standing after me in the same queue.Three of them were traveling together. They were gossiping continuously in Haryanvi. 

Just when I started paying attention to their full-mouthed sermons, I comprehended that those two boys were vigorously pissed-off from that girl. The girl was enlightening those boys with moral lessons.

Before the arrival of Metro train, our Queue looked like this ( The girl was standing slightly outside the queue)

{Boy-1} {Boy-2} {ME} ———————- || ( Barricade) |=| (Railway Track)

{Girl}

Their argument turned murderous in fractions of seconds but in the middle of that brutal verbal riot among them, the Metro train arrived. The automated forward-pushing from the back started.

In an attempt to infiltrate the queue, the girl overtook Boy-1 and Boy-2. She entered the insufficient space between Boy-2 and Me

{Boy-1} {Boy-2}(Girl){ME}

I could hear Boy-2’s furiously angered voice. The girl started pushing me from her elbows. Suddenly, voice from the back came,

“ Maan ja tu ” (Mind it boy)

Suddenly, those bulky pushes became speedy and the girl started shouting

“ Re -Margi, Margi, Margi ” (OH LORD ! I am gonna die)

I pushed myself towards the corner of the coach. I tilted my head in that inadequate space and woke up to the realization that the same girl was standing behind me with her hands touching my haunches.

After entering the metro, the queue algorithm changed, it looked like

{Boy-1} {Boy-2} {Passenger} {Girl} {ME}

A passenger occupied the space that girl and Boy-2.

Metro started with a sudden jolt, the girl screamed loudly

“Re Kuch pakddan ka toh dedo” (Give me something to hold at least)

Suddenly a voice in the metro echoed

“ Le , yo pakad le tu toh mera ” ( Hey ! Grab and hold mine)

Another voice followed

“ Naa, Mera Laambaa se, Mera pakad le” ( No, Mine is lengthy, Hold mine)

I instantly deduced the meaning of those words.

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P.S - The first voice came from Boy-2 and second one from Boy-1

Embarrassment !

When a kid puts you in an embarrassing situation !

It was the month of blissful February. We all had gathered for a marriage. 

I came across an awfully impish and rowdy kind of a Kid. He was doctorate in annoying and disturbing others through his playful and mischievous behavior.

On the other hand, his mother was a bloodcurdling lady, an epitome of hypersensitivity who was giving a cold shoulder to her child’s disobedient behavior and buried her head under the sand every time someone complained to her about her child’s rough activities.

Just a day before the marriage, I was doing something important inside a room’s corner. The same kid came to me and started his deviant behavior again.

He had already tested my patience my times but I lost my patience that time. I, crashingly roared with wide eyes

“O Ch**ia, chal bhag yaha se, kaam karne de” (Hey Idiot ! Get lost from here and let me work )

He: “Mai apni mummy se keh dunga bhaiya mujhe bhaga rahein hai” (I will complain it to my mother)

Me: “Ja keh de apni Churail ma ko”. (Go and tell your scary ghost looking like mother)

The kid left the room instantly. After a while, I saw everyone had gathered in the courtyard in a huddle formation. I went outside the room thinking that some pre-marriage ceremony must be going on but out of my surprise, I saw the same kid weeping like hell.

The moment I appeared to him, he pointed his right hand’s index finger towards me. Suddenly, everyone had their hawk eyes on me. After a second, with a weeping voice, he uttered

“Yahi bhaiya mujhe Chutia and mummy ko chudail bol rahein thein” (He is the same guy who was calling me an Idiot and my mother a scary ghost)

Men will be Men

The departure time for my train was 4.25 P.M from New Delhi Railway Station but as an over canny and calculating person, I reached the station 45 minutes before the departure.

I plunged directly into my coach, glided smoothly through that narrow corridor and reached my seat number 32. (It was 2 tier Coach)

I saw two girls, (aged between 25–30) along with a lady (aged around 60) had already occupied seats. I exclaimed

“Excuse me, seat number 32?”

Lady : “Yes please, we have 3 seats here”

Me : “Okay” !

I quickly settled down and started my virtual maneuvers of getting involved in an interesting conversation with those two girls. Inquisitiveness overtook me in fractions of second and I found myself thanking God for such a wonderful surprise.

A moment later, an old man from nowhere appeared on our seats. The girls were addressing that man as Dad. I quickly understood the matter. Before I could curse my luck, the old lady beamed her gracious smile towards me and said

“Excuse-me dear, we have three seats here and one seat in some other coach, can you please shift there so that your uncle can shift here?”

Me : “Okay, what’s the coach number and seat number?”

Lady : “Coach number ** and seat number xyz”.

Me : “Okay Give me two minutes”.

I got off the train, went to the particular coach where that old person had his seat. I looked at the passengers’ reservation chart outside the coach to get the details (name and age) of my co passengers, found a girl named N*****, age - 28 on the adjacent seat.

I came back to my original seat and bid the farewell to that family

"MEN WILL BE MEN"

and later that night, the conversation says all 

Men will be Men, isn't it ?

Golden Days of Life - School Days

Recalling Golden Days of Life 

I was sent to the boarding school at the very early age of my life. Probably, the age when I couldn't wear my socks properly, couldn’t tie my shoe laces and couldn’t read, write and memorize. These were few of those things which I couldn’t manage to do at that age.

I always had some soreness and inflammation while wearing my undergarments, specially brief-underwear. My parents tried hard to implant this habit in me but I always brought them and my brief-underwear down to their knees and my knees respectively. :P :)

When I was sent to the boarding, my Hostel Warden was well versed about this weirdly horrific habit of not wearing undergarments and was given hard-boiled instructions to check this and make me learn to wear them regularly.

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I was very weak in Maths since the beginning of my formal education and my Maths teachers held the record of never showing any mercy to my faces and haunches. In those extra chilly winters in that lush green boarding, every stick on buttocks and a slap on my “googly-googly mooksh” types cheeks were felt as heavy assaults.

One fine day, my Maths teacher lost his temper in the class due to my inability to solve a simple question related to basic Algebra and asked me to stand like the Statue of Liberty but with both hands up.

I promptly realized about his retaliation on my buttocks when he asked a student to bring the stick from the other teacher who was teaching in the other class.

The teacher knew English but started speaking in Haryanvi due to his anger

T: Noo kona maanne yo chhorra ( Ye ladka aise nahi manega , He wont learn things easily)

Me : Already flooding with Tears “Sir, Ab sahi karlunga (Sir, Now I will do it correctly)

T: eeb toh too karegaa hee, 4 dandey khaan ke baad (Now you will of-course do after bearing those heavy sticks at your back)

I already started dreaming about those dark red and blue signs on my back which were always a proof of my inability to learn Maths. The stick arrived and he slammed me few. I brought my hands down and started pleading him to show some mercy. I said

Me: Sir kal maar lena (Sir, Please beat me tomorrow)

T : Aaaj ke sai (What’s so special tomorrow)

Me: Sir, aaj baahaut sardi hain (Sir, It’s very cold today)

He gave me two more sticks and I brought my both the hands in the front, closer to my trouser’s zip. He started dragging my trousers down. I realized that he was trying to remove it so that his assaults can be of greater intensity on my Buttocks. Instantly he uttered

T: Uttar Paent ney ( Bring your Trouser down)

Me: While weeping and remembering my mom “ Mummaaaaaaa”

T : Utarey hai ke nahi ( are you bringing it down or not?)

M: Sarrrrr, Kal utarwalena aur fer maar-lena (Sir, please take it down tomorrow and then slam your sticks)

T : Kal ke sai? (What’s so special tomorrow?)

Me : Saarrr , Underwear nahi Pehna. ! (Sir, I am not wearing my underwear today)

The whole class including the teacher and me (with heavy tears in my eyes) erupted with a heavy Laughter.